Though He Slay Me....

...join with me in suffering for the gospel according to the power of God...  according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus from all eternity...  for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day. II Timothy 1:8-9,12 My Dearest sisters, whose names are engraved on the palm of His hand, you, who have been in His heart from eternity past, greetings in His most precious Name, Has anyone ever said to you, ‘Grow up!’? I resented this as a teen.  God’s word says: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro... (eph 4:14) That says to me: 'Grow up!' i still find at times i live in the arena of ‘feelings’ and wonder when I will choose to stop my childish behavior. Immaturity which insists God explain Himself; 'why' He has allowed a difficult situation to make itself at home in my life that is as unwelcome as a party-crashing, bull-elephant, without an invitation, it is now residing beneath my roof. I long to live the Truth of this quote found long ago in the journal of Arnot of Central Africa “I am learning never to be disappointed, but to praise “  Amy C. states this:.. it is a word of  peace. I think it must hurt the tender love of our Father when we press for reasons for His dealings with us, as though He were not  Love... as though what He chose to allow could be less than the very best and dearest that Love Eternal had to give.  Until i grow beyond this childish realm of ‘sight and feelings’ how can i go forward? I may thrash sideways or stress up and down, but not forward. I felt God ask me this week, “Arlene,when you do not see my hand or sense my Presence, will you trust me and endure as beholding Him who is invisible? (Heb 11:27) i wanted to shout.. “Am I Moses?” But I knew this quiet question was telling. My Father desires me to trust Him relentlessly, even if He steps back, with-drawing any sense of His Presence. Even when darkness is so great i cannot sense His Love and Grace enfolding me.      “There is no grace in delighting in the Presence and favor of the Father when they are resting consciously and continuously upon us; for this rejoicing comes from sight and feelings. But there is precious grace in the delight which is not dependent upon His favors, nor upon our enjoyment of them; but wich is wholly dependent and has its source in the Father’s explicit Word, and His eternal faithfulness.”CHM This is true but I wouldn't choose it.  When life hurts and grace feels far away and the hope, love and joy, are almost extinguished in my heart, when circumstances are overwhelming and fierce the temptations, and faith seems nonexistent and words to prayer refuse to come...  i must 'choose' to stand and fight by rehearsing the goodness of God. I must choose to verbalize aloud the Truth of His faithfulness and power and must also choose to rest in ‘Who’ He is. I must choose to honor Him and speak words of praise (even if void of emotion) for Truth is power and by speaking scripture i can put the enemy to flight.  Such as Job 13:15: ‘Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him’.  Speak this Truth to Him: "Though You slay me yet will I trust You, Abba!"  Thank Him for praying for you. (John 17) Sing (by faith) regardless of how you feel! I bow before You Abba, You who are always Love, always Good, You who daily plan good for me. Give me an undivided heart that I might not just endure but endure with joy. That I might not just sing, but sing with all my being, to You who are worthy beyond understanding. Touch my sisters with Your Truth as only You can. Encourage and strengthen those who are weary and deliver those in bondage of fear... Guard them and give them laughter to day. I pray they will choose to behold You with a heart that chooses to be thankful over and again. Take them to a place near You, where they will rejoice in their suffering and fill their heart with faith to trust You, now, today for whatever they face. You alone are Strength and Hope and Wisdom and Love. You alone are good..... Lord thank You for letting me love You. I pray because You have provided this gift of kneeling before Your throne.  I love You.  az